“Can I tell you a secret?’

Has anyone in the history of the world ever said no, no you cant’t .

Spare me your secrets because mine have been tearing my seams. I have secrets flowing in my blood and whispering in the hollows of my skull and I can’t keep them out and I can’t keep them in.

“Can I tell you a secret?’

Please don’t; I have too many of my own and they feel like I’ve swallowed stones, like I’ve swallowed glass and I’m bleeding, my hands are red and there’s no space for anymore. You tell me a secret and maybe I should tell you one in return but I’m sorry, I’m sorry I can’t. My secrets are too big and the stakes are too high and the moment has passed so let me hug my stories like blanket to keep away the monsters at night.

“Can I tell you a secret?’

Please do, I’m a collector of stories, of secrets like pebbles dug up at the beach and kept in glass bottles. A secret smells like sea salt, like cement, like blood, like nothing and like anything you want. Tell me a secret, tell me a story, tell me something to keep me awake at night. Show me your demons, maybe we’re not as alone as we think we are.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

Sure sweetheart go ahead, how much worse can it get? Let’s just get it over with. And later we can watch the sky and hope there were shooting stars because I don’t want to watch something else crash and burn. If every secret was a star we would be blinded so let’s watch the night while we can and wonder if there are secrets on the moon.

Secrets

Live in the moment. The moments that seem so perfect that you want to dip them in amber and keep them forever, the moments when the sun shines just enough to melt ice around your heart and the wind feels like a lullaby.

Live in the moments just before the darkness takes over, just before your sadness washes over you like the sea and you taste the salt on your lips. Treat these moments like stepping stones, like a lifeline, like a saviour.

Live on the little things like a wanderer in the desert who treasures each drop of water like it’s gold, because it is. Live on the little things like a person lost at sea collecting dew-drops on their sails, live like this until you can’t anymore or till you see the shore. Sink or swim.

Live on the smell of coffee, the taste of chocolate, the sound of a guitar, the laughter that surprises you in the middle of the day. Hold these things close to your heart like a talisman.

Live in the spaces between music notes, in the time between thought and feeling, in the skip from one heartbeat to another. Live as if worry doesn’t weigh you down like a ball-and-chain, as if your mind wasn’t too full. Try to believe that everything will turn out fine.

Live like you have nothing to lose beacuse you don’t.There is no yesterday,no tomorrow, the sun never sets or rises and all you have is this moment. Take a deep breath and remember that your days are numbered, every heartbeat is one step closer to your grave. Don’t panic.

In momento

Inside

I think my name would be safe in your mouth.
I wouldn’t be concerned about you
misusing it
or putting other names with it.
I trust you
would keep it secure
between your teeth.
There would be no worry
of you spilling it out with vicious words.
I’d be sure that you would treat it with care
and only use it
when the setting is perfect.
And you would sing around my name.
Songs I probably won’t know but
that’s okay
because my name would be
somewhere good.
I imagine you
would only surround it
with words like
“careful” and “forever”
and “here, take my hand.”

– Megan Grace

Poem-15